how to make my husband attracted to me again

And I deserve a real love, and my kids deserve to SEE what real love is. The compromise is well balanced by the rest of our relationship and definately worth it. *Sigh*. When my 18-year partnership abruptly ended in late 2015, my life completely fell apart. I avoid kissing him, I just am 100% not sexually attracted to the guy anymore. They didn't have screaming matches or really even fight much at all (that I was aware of). After I allowed the emotional intimacy to grow the sexual attraction followed and I am now in a relationship that feels as fresh as it did when we first met. And, she admits that she has issues of closeness also … so … more time goes by, and we keep "trying" … "working" … yet even after attending marriage counselling together … it never did get resolved. The closest we have ever been to it is when a friend of us put me sunscreen in front of him. If we can have fun as friends, then I think I can survive it with him until my kids are older, more logical and less innocent. He can look at a screen for hours; an entire day if allowed. He’s a great guy, in great shape (in the Marines), kind & loving to me. Being as on the sex subject I also wanted to plant a few seeds on some of my thought processes that turn me on for another day . Strangely our sex-life was amazing in that period. I think its just a matter of "when" now, rather than "what". There’s is so much more deeper into this that I want to share my experiences ,but I want something from all you guys ,what I don’t know but I’m going to be honest I got a hard on It’s been nearly two years since that went out the door….and I’m just holding on hoping that someday it’ll come back. We've had a rocky relationship from day 1. We are approaching retirement and potential health situations, and that is a scary thing to face alone. The next time I come across some info I will save a share for you to read . Conventional wisdom is that 60% of women in the lifestyle are bisexual or are considering it. Positive credit and reputation. Sex and emotion are anatomically inseparable in women, the brain sex centre is within the brain emotional centre. I’ve been married 17 years with 3 kids between 11 & 16. I'm sure you've heard of "the honeymoon phase". There's no law that says you have to want to have sex with your spouse. That’s interesting. But I'm now realizing that being with someone who I'm excited to be with out and about is important to me. He asked me to marry him right off the bat. I feel EXACTLY the same way… Part of me is incredibly relieved to know I am not the only person/woman struggling with this. Well sorry but I think thats completely wrong! So his role was to pretend to be a massage guy.He arrived and she got ready. I've been going to therapy trying to sort things out. No one was around and I felt it hit me. My husband did not know we'd been speaking up to this point. We’ve only been married for 3 years, & didn’t have sex at all for the first 2. I'm married to a pushover too, and it's a slow death. Medical changes, hormonal? We have had the hard conversation in which I have asked my husband for the freedom to see other people sexually, since we both acknowledge that our relationship does not work sexually. I still have those fantasies. I just laid down on the back seat as Tom drove me home. I had same history with relationships. My children’s lives are forever changed. I can tell you, my dead libido was all in my head, or related to not being attracted to my husband. Get helps You have a lot of different options ahead of you – but I suspect that all of them will work better if you expand your vocabulary in boundary setting. Some extremely insightful views. He loves you, Rachel. We function really well as a family, and have a healthy supportive household. I know that me leaving would crush him. Stuck is an understatement. Does anyone else hold the fear that perhaps what you have is the best you can do? He helped my husband and I negotiate a deal on a new car while he was in town this trip, he used to be the finance manager at this car lot so he knew all the people and what they could do for us. Does that mean he doesn’t love me because he like me to be with other men? She acknowledges she was sexually active with men during the several years she was divorced and certainly continued being sexually very active with me during the time we dated and the first couple of years after we married. Word !! More PRE marital counseling is needed. You may think this extreme, but my husband took my name(s) in marriage, and freely admits that the relationship depends on my leadership, and obeys me. I'm trying everything I possibly can to work on myself both physically and mentally. This was written so long ago yet just found it and it describes my feelings exactly. Later that night she reached down and i was pretty aroused in my nylon panties (yes) i wear. What if OP finds someone she has AMAZING chemistry with? I told him I was busy and I would help when dinner was done. Probably longer. Sending hugs to you all and please keep in touch! I'm having a terribly difficult time deciding what to do. We have 3 beautiful kids and your story is truly mine! He tries to ‘teach’ me things all the time which drives me crazy. I do hope that you will eventually find that it happened for a reason and you are happy again, whatever life brings your way. But the only reason I'm spending all these time typing on my phone on my company time ( please don't tell HR on me, I've done enough over time), is if my words can save one marriage from falling apart, then it's well worth it. I generally squirt around a pint or two of liquid, but can sometimes squirt up to a half gallon. I didn't order one in between so we could order one together when he got there. But then we rushed into the relationship pre-maturely and now 10 years on, no kids, sexless. pimping out his wife, did that letter even fee real ? You can't force yourself to love someone, you shouldn't stay in a marriage just because thats the person you married!! I've been in individual therapy twice, but for different reasons (anxiety mostly). Many years ago before we got married I went to nude beaches a few times. Married 1st man went out with so not experienced in relationships. I took this pronouncement very badly … and as I had already “opened” up all that shit in my mind re the abuse, neglect, etc when I wrote it all on paper … I had a breakdown and two days later I woke up to my 3-year old self holding onto an Exacto blade knife in one hand and my penis in the other as I was looking to cut that part off of me. Wow! Rosie, you give excellent advice. Things like ass spanking, genital shaving, dirty talk, anal penetration, mild B & D, and many other kinks and fetishes which are becoming more acceptable in our modern society, should be introduced early and often. But I'm just not sure how we will manage this going forward. It will slowly kill you. I spent years researching, years in therapy, years working on past issues, and years meditating but unfortunately still had no feelings what so ever for my husband. Things are bad now and kids DO suffer lack of authenticity, especially on the part of the mother. I too married someone (wonderful man) I wasn't physically or intellectually attracted to and it can lead to lots and lots of issues.. If the commuter had actually read the Original Post properly, he would had read that I USED to go for bad boys when I was a young 20 year old. Despite psychiatrists saying that once you realize why you are doing something, you can stop, I could never change who I was attracted to….so I decided to stop dating. Any suggestions, advice would be amazing! My husband isn't the perfect partner you make yours out to be and we have no children, and I see a lot of red flags I wish I hadn't ignored because I sometimes think I should never have married him. She came from a partying/clubbing background, a string of boyfriends in her early 20’s, ended up pregnant at age 23, then after the birth of her child she started to slow down realizing she wanted more in life. I agree with all of this, I would only add that it seems like the OP never really had much in terms of sexual chemistry with this partner to begin with, and that seems like a big red flag from the start. I absolutely second (or third) this sentiment! Something changed, something shifted and for me it was not going to come back. I’d be interested to hear what you decide to do. P.s Greg enjoy ur women for.whom she is an how she’s there for you through the good, bad an VERY UGLY……, I want to film my wife having a big cock cum in her mouth & an fat EXTRA THICK COCK IN HER PUSSY MAKE HER PUSSY LIPS REAL SWOLLEN AND FULL OF CUM, Joe, I'm excited about life again and I'm doing all the things I always wanted to do but didn't have the motivation for. He loves me and the kids so much, that he is being completely amicable, and has moved into spare room to give me the time I need. I thought I just wasn't into sex. I like the way you are thinking…I feel the same. Childhood is an experience unmatched by any other phase in life. I couldn't wait the 6 months I originally planned to. I have now seen it first hand. I got a card from one day that stated: "only 267 days to go." it blew up in my fave but while it lasted was everything I wanted/ needed. I didn’t even realize how my needs to connect intimately sexually were so repressed until I found myself in an affair and it rocked my world to actually remember how it felt to want to kiss someone. ..mostly due to stress of work. x. Omg Alex ! A husband may not want to be intimate with their partners not because they don't like it, but because they're experiencing a decrease in their sex drive. She doesn’t mind and the thought of another man seeing her naked is a real turn on for me. This unveiled when he discovered a crush I had when I was a teen. He has refused to try and make it work and I’ve done the usual begging pleading etc. You may then realize you have torn your true family apart and the regret will be horrible. Just keeping it real. Xxx! I simply love you too much to have you thinking these awful thoughts when having sex with me or sitting at home power thinking . I gave him the plan but he didnt follow the rules. I think that's how I ended up in a mostly-good-but-somewhat-chemistry-less marriage, personally. I want my girlfiend to be naughty like that, too. My husband prefers oral sex over penetration. We are still together and I find myself asking them same questions as you: are my expectations for marriage to unrealistic? When this happens, there's usually not much (good) that you can do about it. Now that Im over 60 it really doesn’t matter. He is the best person I can imagine too. Or do I stay in the marriage and continue to sneak around with other sex partners on the side, having to hide this from him? Now I'm stuck in the same boat- I am terrified of hurting him if I choose to leave and/or tell him about the affair I had. I’m loving your daily newsletter!”, Sign Up For More FREE Sensually Satisfying Goodness. When she reach orgasm, she used to touch the screen on the laptop and moan whispering to me that she is imagining this BC is going in and out of her while looking at this hard and tells her to lick the with picture of a big penis and she does that. A few drinks later and feeling Jack’s leg next to me I took a chance and laid my hand on his leg. It’s your idea, it’s your tennis game and the ball is in your court . What would that look like for you? I “froze” that moment … then 6 years later, when I was 9, I was traumatized again. Alex is a proud contributor to Offbeat Home. What I don't know and what I am currently working on is, is this a pattern for me. I am now a 40 year old woman who has completely different taste and learned from my mistakes. I have been living tormented between loving both of these amazing men. Im starting to think this is just how it will be and ill have to suck it up and start being sexual sometimes to keep the marraige alive. We (dh and I) have been together 21 years and have 2 children, but it hasnt been without extreme heartache and abuse and distrust. Well he got an email from a girl with a phone number from one of those sites so I gave him the choice if I stay I put a block on his phone so he can’t watch that filth. He has a terrible odor and I gag from the smell. You and your partner have to negotiate what role sex is going to play in the relationship; as long as you agree, everything and anything is possible. I couldn’t agree with this more if I tried. You don’t have to be “super hot.” But masculinity is a must. Glad is the wrong word, but It’s definitely a relief to see I’m not alone in this! Do I try to stick it out and work on things with my husband who is an amazing man? In fact, I always assumed sex was mind blowing passionate because that was the norm in my relationships! My partner wants to explore role-playing cucking with me. It is also very very lonely. Why Does My Husband Not Want To Make Love To Me? didn’t to me, seemed like some mans fantasy “as if” he had a sex-bot wife to order around. I personally have that horrible feeling in your gut that you get when someone dies. See below. Some look at sex as sex. lets stay in touch. So I'm now working on putting him in full time care so I can get a job and properly try living separated. (You decide), "More Sex More Often" Keys to Seduction Revealed. So if this is important to you, don't give up hope! our dream to build a house together, raise a family and rescue dogs. These are treacherous waters to be swimming end. I am in the same boat and it did not work well for me as I would develop emotional feelings for the person i was intimate with. Apparently I was everything she wanted… Except sexually. We got married, and a couple months into the marriage I found out he had “fluffed” the truth about a handful of things about himself. I am sure he's invested. I just want to be left alone sexually. I feel so empowered and I'm really looking forward to moving on and dating again. As I sit and put myself in your shoes thinking of me being with someone else or sitting there wondering what I am doing , having sex with me and asking yourself , is she better than me , do I do it as good as her , who was he with last etc are all very hard things on the head and I am not so sure they are good for your mental health and ultimately our relationship as a whole . Married for 3 years together for almost 10. He is one of my best friends, so it would crush me on some level as well. I've found sexual chemistry with my partner of 12 years to ebb and flow. These feelings you have are not your fault and are not evil; from the sounds of it I think you should do him the kindness of leaving on good terms. I hold hope that I will eventually find the right partner for me, but hopefully someone else can comment about how realistic that is. My husband and I had a nice sex in the beginning. He has been so understanding and started to really step up to try to get me to be attracted to him again. I don't want to hurt him, but it's hurting me. He's been super husband and dad since then. complicates matters and makes it more difficult to leave the family unit. Done that. He doesn’t take charge of anything in life really; (least of all sex,) he’s content believing that he takes charge without actually doing so. I am not allowed to be alone with T nor have conversations with him unless it is via group chat or husband is in the room. I find him just as appealing and they couldn’t be more polar opposites physically. I feel like this is exactly how I feel. My daughter loves Disney movies, so I've watched a fair amount of them. I was told to have kids with someone that if the relationship did fail you would at least remain excellent friends and family and be awesome co parents. Then at least I’d feel like I’d have some small shred of hope. He became my best friend, my companion, and the perfect father. As I provider. It was my love for him that pulled us through and kept us going. Our marriage and home life was great…mostly. That has been 3 years ago. Am I asking too much to have the chemistry as well as the friendship? So things that matter to me do not matter to him. One night out she even said to go ahead and surprise her without her knowledge. It’s often what keeps me up half the time . Our sex life came to a screeching halt after I had found out about the lies, and after we had a fight where he was drunk and lashed out. It’s like every time I begin to think about “how” to go about leaving, I panic.. and just want to do it the right way. You kind of always knew it wasn't going to be quite right, we need to learn to trust our instincts. I kept myself in a similar prison. Go to personal counseling first, and then go to couples counseling after. 4th , request at the end . I’m scared I’m going u cheat but I feel like I’ve given him so many chances to face the facts here so would it rlly b cheating? If you were in another relationship with physical attraction but didn't get one other thing your current partner provides, would that be better? Is he not putting full effort into your couple (letting go of your marriage too easily without a fuss) Are you feeling unconsciously less "good" (don't know how to put this) because he's got it all, he's Mr Perfect, successful, a good father and it's still not right for you? All rights reserved. I love connecting with him on that level. A few others might include: she likes football, she drinks beer with my buds, and she’s at least a full C. Bc im so lost.. I think you need to find the source of why he's bugging you just by existing. Susan. Which isn't fair to him, but I also don't want to break his heart with divorce. I would also see a counsellor. Explain that to her and start exploring your fantasies together again. I felt terrible about neglecting our sexual relationship though. It’s a complex relationship between emotional intimacy and sexual chemistry for sure! Finally, two years ago, I had a one-time affair with a man who lives far away, and whom I only see a couple of times a year. To sum up, at the end of the day do what makes you happy. It happened only once … and was not discovered by anyone. This is an extremely common fantasy. I haven't been on birth control for years. I personally think it’s hot and adorable that your man finds you so sexy he gets off sharing you with another lover. If even his smell is upsetting you, is it because he actually disgusts you, or is it a symptom of resentment that you may have for feeling like you are missing out on something? I've posted here a few months ago. Just think about all you did accomplish. It was super hard and big, not huge but bigger than Tom’s. Granted, I was pretty screwed up … but I found a new place, was diagnosed with PTSD, arranged therapies, and prepared to leave. I find myself looking forward to when he is gone because I won’t need to fulfill the sexual part of our relationship and I start dreading the time that he’s home because I know what is expected of me. I can’t live like this with a wife who says she loves me but hates to hold hands, cuddle, kiss, she wears shirts during sex because she’s creeped out if I check her out naked, and routinely asks me if I’m finished so she can get back to her activities. Is he going to cope with continuing a relationship with her whilst seeing her be truly fulfilled by someone/s else? Years ago when I was in my teen years, I heard this woman on the radio taking about what it was like being married for 50 years and how she made it through happily. So I just don't know what to do. We’ve had a decent sex life, but have an anxious/avoidant pattern in our marriage and I just totally lost all attraction to him. All depends on the mindset and understandings of each person, I asked you at the time when you brought this up if it was some way of balancing the books for some mistakes you may have made along the way at some point and you assured me that was not the case .i also asked if it was bc you wanted the same and you clearly also said ” No No . ), Vulva, Clitoris and Nipple Pump Photos (Explicit pics), The Most Relevant Seduction Tricks For 2021? Asap…. I am attempting to really look him in the eyes and be present with him, but I feel like he only looks back at me objectively and almost pitying (like i'm weak and helpless). What did you ever do? Nice let me know I’d love for you to do that to my wife. I do not want this to seem that in any way am I promoting this idea . We made great roommates and parents but I was not attracted to him any more after 18 years and 4 children. We stopped at 20/21 as she fell pregnant with her then boyfriend. And, then, a few months later when we were both out of a bad relationship, when we were both with people that made us happy, and both living better lives, I couldn't stop thanking him for making what must have been the hardest choice he's ever had to make thus far. It’s a great thing to tap into and a foolish thing to ignore, I understand that now. MY agenda. To be clear, I'm not talking about pulling each other through via putting up with b.s. I agree in that i too feel I'm being unfair and been unable to give him the love/affection he truly deserves. I have a ton of responsibilities that I never had before! Acknowledging weaknesses and living life with grace and courage is the best approach I think. There are many opportunities in life to find excitement, but only very few that make you happy in the long run. Nothing you say during sex is ever bad . Hot. But it's not for me. She mentioned that taking that space might give me more info toward the answers I'm seeking. Not sure how ok you were it but seemed ok following the few requests in the end for your fingers to be inside , pull and let me see in . Bloody tough. It’s both are fantasy. I am only communicating . This pain consumed me … it is what drove me – literally – 3700 kilometres to get help. I've now been in intensive therapy – EMDR is a blessing – for three months and have made great progress with insightful linkages and all led by being as brutally honest with myself as possible. What if ones husband forbids a divorce, citing the detriment it would have on the children? I started pulling away. There’s a world of exciting sexuality you can explore together. This post also makes me wonder can 'chemistry' be learned? I am in the exact same boat as the original writer. I was in a similar situation. He pretty much saved me, and, in a way, I saved him. I don’t know how else to explain it other than the “light switch turned off”. He is also not the LEAST bit handy…can’t boil water (cook) or fix a thing. I can see why polyamory would seem like a solution to this situation, but I don't feel like it would be the best idea. I fuckin loved it as per usual . Really have no one else in my life who understands so I would love to communicate some way. Good luck! The next steps , whatever they are . But only do it if you find it exciting too. One of my closest friends, her brother. When he asked me to marry him I felt in the pit of my gut that it wasn’t right. He is my best friend, we have traveled, have financial means, and I know he loves me deeply. To be up front with you I am not so so sure it’s the best of ideas . Hopefully you can pin point those issues and work to counteract them. I'm changeable when it comes to turn-ons, and I go through phases where my husband's "look" (handsome as he is) just isn't what I want at that time. Join us at, Surviving divorce taught me how to survive 2020, It's been six months since leaving my husband for another man…, Married and celibate: Adjusting my relationship expectations in a sexless marriage, 7 things I have learned about relationships (since my divorce). MUST achieve all this. I think chemistry is very important but I think it’s different every relationship and it’s not even the same throughout a specific relationship which is why using whether or not there is chemistry right now as a decider can be so slippery.

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